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The Forest for the Trees

Feb 2nd, 2010 by Kelley

All good things are wild and free.
- Henry David Thoreau

Kelley, I’m self-taught with spirituality and insights. I get impressions from people, but don’t know what to do. I’ve wondered for a while why my sister-in-law can’t find the partner she longs for. While we were staying together over Christmas, we wondered if she was cursed to be “invisible”. The family tells anecdotes of how my husband, her older brother, was always considered an “only child,” and that my mother-in-law was asked by the neighbors when she would have a second child, right after having been pregnant and showing them her new daughter’s photo. My in-laws had a hard time having children, and they love their kids very much. I don’t see any psychological reason for this “invisibility”. At Christmas, I looked at my sister-in-law’s energy more closely, and it swirled wildly, like she was flinging it out to anybody who might need it, leaving her vulnerable. I have no idea what is going on, or for how long, but I know that she needs help on a level that psychology would not touch, but I am helpless what to do. Thanks, Nina.

Thank you for your note, Nina. As you indicated, I do find your sister-in-law very difficult to connect with, etherically. Upon gathering a circle of allies to support her, I am led to a tree in a frozen, far north land, some centuries ago. Instantly my focus is on a young man who hangs from the tree. He is Slavic, light-skinned with dark eyes, and wears farmer’s clothes. His feet and hands are missing, and he bleeds from his mouth. I am struck that this frigid scene is just outside of a fairly large village, and that this tree is frequently used for such hangings as a message of clear punishment to those who might create problems in the village. My feeling is that he stole something out of dire need, with torture and hanging his consequence. It is only after I cut him down, release his spirit, bury him, cleanse the area energetically, and the Nature spirits converge that I realize he is not your sister-in-law. She is the tree.

Feeling a strong connection to trees in my spiritual work, my sadness is immense. The tree spirit felt quite invisible in light of being used repeatedly as a weapon without consent. Often when the same traumas are inflicted repeatedly, patterns that were once external become internalized unconsciously. That is what I am seeing, in threads of your sister-in-laws’ erratic life force and that of this tree. Despite its own victimization, the tree communicated deep guilt around being used for harm, though as Nature spirits often do, she released her anxiety and was well healed by your sister-in-law’s High Self. The entire area around the tree became enlivened and warmer, considering it was the middle of winter in a continuously cold climate. I saw the tree’s life force move well above it into Source, and recommit to rooting itself deep into Earth’s energy. I feel this reconnection with Universal life force will be reflected somewhat in your sister-in-law’s life force.

I generally do not look at other manifestations of self as “past” or “future” life. I find that linear expression of time and soul too limiting for how infinite All Things truly are. I must say, the connection I made with this tree imparted a feeling of this tree spirit originating in this plane long ago, and that spirit is still holding space here, somewhere. It still goes on, holding a beautiful, angelic space here. Depending on how your sister-in-law feels, she may find karmic release upon learning the symbols of this story, or she may feel led to do some work with that tree consciousness. I feel that if she did such work, would be very spiritually empowering, and it may even be a totem for her. I definitely felt that a legacy of invisibility and unnamed sadness were released in this spirit travel. I hope your sister-in-law can experience her power more deeply rooted in herself, which will reflect through how her surroundings see her. Be well, Nina.

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Intentional Insights is a Q&A column inviting you to look inside yourself. If you have a question that you would like for me to address in my column regarding a brief Soul Reading or questions about spiritual healing and shamanism, please send them to me at Kelley at soulintentarts dot com, or contact me to schedule a full-length Soul Reading. Intentional Insights is a production of Soul Intent Arts, © 2010 All Rights Reserved. Follow me on Facebook and Twitter!

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Karma, Collective Conscious, and Facebook

Jan 26th, 2010 by Kelley

Given the relative number of times I’ve encountered the observation, “She never spoke to me in school, why does she think I want to be friends on Facebook?” the karmic threads of Facebook and its effect on the collective conscious are compelling. Apparently a culture-wide blast-from-the-past sentiment, that question has been crooned, so to speak, into song. At the end of last year it was reported that 20% of divorce cases cited Facebook as a catalyst in the relationship’s demise, another factor spoofed in a Net-famous skit [1]. It’s fair to say that Facebook has catapulted digital interpersonal relationships to a new high, or low, as the case may be, but why? And how can it be a tool for spiritual growth?

In the year and a half that I’ve been on Facebook, several people have remarked that the utility unexpectedly reopened old wounds, and in some cases, caused new ones. Presented as a simple Internet networking tool that does all the work for you, Facebook is and has been the hottest social media networking strategy to date. The Internet, in and of itself, has done an amazing job creating of the world a neighborhood pub, uniting old friends, passionate crocheters, Dolphins fans, and sellers with bidders. Some modern sages argue that the Internet is a digital manifestation of the collective conscious, a vessel we all contribute to, a result of our cultural foci and intellectual and spiritual development. As on no other networking site, users swarm to friend each other through Facebook, due to its suggestive relational viral connectivity via alma maters, places of employment, geographies, cousins. Unsuspecting users enter personal landmarks and interests, frequently not realizing that unless secure privacy is enabled, that information is used to match them with every other compatible user and to suggest them as possible friends. Adding one person you knew when is a singular connection spiraling out, not just to every person you know, but to every person that person knows, and so on. It is possible to be deluged with friend requests in mere hours, even with partial security enabled. The volume of the past surging into the present overwhelms those who aren’t ready, and it would seem, a lot of users aren’t.

Certainly I’ve known many people who reconnected fabulously with old friends. I count myself fortunate to have found people on Facebook that years of Internet searching didn’t deliver. However, for many, the wonder years aspect of Facebook is a reminder of a horrible time. The sticking point doesn’t seem to be that it merely reopens old wounds or brings up painful memories. Slogging through old hurts is one thing, but Facebook elicits a communal shadow reaction that many don’t foresee. A hyper-distilled family reunion, digital social display leaves many users feeling forced to confront old demons, not just face the demon, but do so with the demon’s posse looking on. Also, where many have enjoyed the anonymity of a raucous Internet social life, for Facebook to work as intended, you have to be honest in the personal data you feed it. To that end, some have pioneered into lifestyles and experiences that are upsetting to those still at the old stomping grounds, or to employers or potential clients. And then there’s the base embarrassment in friending Aunt Bee, who’s scanned your adorable fifth grade yearbook picture for the world to see…

Who sees what of you is one thing. What you see of others is another. The foremost insight Facebook gives into others is through status updates. Some use this blurb as an opportunity to keep others abreast of their morning coffee selection, what film they saw, or how they feel about sitting on the front porch. Some users are decidedly candid, sharing intensely personal insights. All of these are perfectly fine, though I often wonder if people considered that every status update they enter alters the collective consciousness of the planet, if they would say something more authentic? Because it does. If more people observed such, perhaps their updates would more their soul’s words rather than their ego’s. No contention, mind you. I like to know if my savvy friends think a film sucks, or they posted some gem about our healthcare system. But if the Internet is a manifestation of the collective conscious, and Facebook is its most prolific platform, could we improve how we thrive here if we chose to make social networking a more spiritual experience?

The thing about Facebook is that for it to be a social networking success, it demands radical honesty, as does spiritual growth. Indeed, that honesty can be selectively doled, based on privacy settings, interests entered, and the choice not to friend. Even in that closed scenario, I’ve known people whose pasts were still skillfully unearthed from the bowels of Facebook by some haunt, throwing them into a moment of panic. I think it is in that moment that the real life of Facebook thrives, not in the choice to friend or ignore, the celebrity who friends you, or the smackdown you give your old boyfriend. Certainly those things can be empowering and bring closure to karmic patterns. I think the real power of Facebook is that it’s a cutting edge, worldwide awareness, within which the Universe holds up a mirror, as we all know it does from time to time, making sure we really do know where we stand on the trials, paths, and joys of our lives. We can look into the bytes of our past and make an empowered choice based on the free will of our soulful present.

[1] Facebook Is Increasingly Cited in Divorce Cases

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Intentional Insights is a Q&A column inviting you to look inside yourself. If you have a question that you would like for me to address in my column regarding a brief Soul Reading or questions about spiritual healing and shamanism, please send them to me at Kelley at soulintentarts dot com, or contact me to schedule a full-length Soul Reading. Intentional Insights is a production of Soul Intent Arts, © 2010 All Rights Reserved. Follow me on Facebook and Twitter!

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A Houseful of Virgos and the Saturn Legacy

Jan 18th, 2010 by Kelley

Kelley, I am a Virgo and have dealt with Saturn since September 2007, when my life turned upside down. I have worked diligently and have made progress, but I don’t have a job that can sustain my son and myself, I have not received child support since the beginning of Saturn’s visit, and my Virgo son has gotten into trouble and a toxic relationship. We are completely broke and live with my mother. Is this karmic? Am I suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder? Why is this happening, and will it ever end? Sara

Thanks for your note, Sara. The story I am shown is in your chakras. Your root chakra, which is the first of the primary chakras along the spine and is situated at the perineum, is very overactive. The root chakra does what it sounds like–it roots you as a spiritual being into the form of this world. Mastery of this chakra involves gaining the basic survival skills to stay alive as a formed being, and psychologically it entails that you become aware that you are part of a tribe, in preparation for the mastery of the second chakra, which is all about how one relates (or doesn’t) to the tribe, itself. An overactive root chakra can indeed give the effect of being locked in fight-or-flee instinct, the perpetual feeling that you are being pursued even when there is no threat. The other major point about the root chakra that is vivid for you relates back to the tribe–your family unit. You have a birth family unit, the one you learned to survive in and prepared you for surviving in the world, and you also have created a family unit, your son, whom will be leaving the tribe soon. In your time of peril you have returned to your original tribe, and in doing so have brought your created tribe with you. It’s good to have a support system, but in this case, sharing living space with your birth tribe is only creating more inner conflict for you. Another facet of this overactive root is OCD–Obsessive Compulsive Disorder behaviour. Virgos are given to wanting order and turning themselves inside out to preserve it. I feel like this is something you generally have good habits on, but the constant trigger to preserve survival has created self-harming habits, mostly at a mental level–spinning scenarios in your head until panic ensues, allowing irrational thoughts to trump approaches you know are more healthy. Sometimes we best manage by stepping back. We think that disengaging and being present is a passive act, when in reality it is the most challenging active pursuit. This is your greatest challenge right now, and as you master it, so shall your son.

Because connections of tribe are so interwoven with the way Saturn is affecting you, I do feel that this experience is karmic. Distress with your birth family is being unconsciously acted out by your son. He is expressing your repressed stress, which is a long-standing pattern between you that has only increased with Saturn’s focus. He is not consciously aware that he is playing out this dynamic. I have a sense of spinning wheels. He is at the threshold of stepping out into the world as an individual, and he feels that he should be able to help you more with the household. His own stress cripples him. This ‘inability to provide’ is creating a block for him. He is mature enough to feel the pinch and longing to help, but he doesn’t have the experience or emotional grounding to effectively help. Few his age do. Teens deal with ’spinning’ by acting out. Rebellion feels productive, despite that it only divides and conquers. Crazy as he may be driving you, disciplining his behaviour won’t improve circumstances. His underlying stress has to be soothed, and the best way to do that is by example. Strategically placed, “My emotions are my own to process,” in talks with him can unconsciously help him let go of responsibilities that are yours alone to manage. It will also send him the signal to let you be the parent. Conversely, it will send the signal to him to be the child, ie, to listen and observe.

Your guides are only showing me how this karmic stress is affecting your chakra system. Because everything in our etheric form is connected, so, too, is the internal and external. It’s a matter of time before it affects other aspects of your wellbeing, your health in particular. Regardless of what is going on in your external right now, it is imperative that you address the internal. When I observe the rest of your chakra system, I can just make it out for the overwhelming size and brightness of your root chakra. The lower chakras pertain to our earthly growth and maturity, while the upper chakras relate our spiritual growth and maturity. Etherically speaking, what needs to happen is the root chakra energy needs to be moved up the spine, balanced throughout, as it were, and the life force that comes in through the crown–the topmost primary chakra in the form, needs to be drawn down. Whatever meditative technique appeals to you, bringing your awareness to this process will be helpful. Visualize doing it, feel it moving, imagine that primal balance taking place. If you can go to an energy worker to do this work for you, or if you’re comfortable with doing it at a distance I can do such work. Either way, some self-maintenance is required. I do not get information on job or new residence, because giving attention to your life force is imperative. My sense is that in giving yourself some solitude and care, you will have better perspective and opportunity will arise from that.

It’s been a long haul with Saturn. I completely empathize with you, Sara. You have come through it, and through the aftershock you are regaining your power. Be open to the wisdom Saturn leaves you, and some sweetness will prevail.

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Intentional Insights is a Q&A column inviting you to look inside yourself. If you have a question that you would like for me to address in my column regarding a brief Soul Reading or questions about spiritual healing and shamanism, please send them to me at Kelley at soulintentarts dot com, or contact me to schedule a full-length Soul Reading. Intentional Insights is a production of Soul Intent Arts, © 2010 All Rights Reserved. Follow me on Facebook and Twitter!

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2010, The Age of The Succulent Feminine

Jan 7th, 2010 by Kelley

“As above so below. As within so without.” ~Hermesianax, Greek poet

Hi Kelley, I am a middle aged woman who has experienced many changes this decade. Unfortunately, things seem to get worse–job, financial problems, relationships… I feel myself isolating and trust is becoming an issue. I truly don’t know how long I can hang on at my job, and there are few new jobs out there. Finances are difficult. Not sleeping is a problem. I feel blind and blocked. No matter what I do to free myself, things get worse. Thanks… Leea

Thank you for your note, Leea. What I am shown is that you have played by the rules of patriarchy to the point of mastery, and it’s time to invite in and express the feminine way. The underlying feeling of always adapting, never setting the pace, going with the crowd despite the fact that it doesn’t feel natural… These states are all indications that you have well-learned how to function in a linear world with set rules. They are also signs of the feminine giving up power to the masculine, which creates disharmony for both. On a personal level this dynamic creates a space in your daily life, in which you feel that if you could just play the game better, if you could just get that one break, if you could just meet the right person… While predictable and safe, this routine doesn’t serve your deeper needs. It is, in fact, giving away your power.

Feminine Divine, artist unknown

Now on the planet is a sense of the Divine Feminine reawakening. Where has she been? Right here, actually. But the way we live doesn’t acknowledge her, which means that we don’t honor our natural rhythms. We all know about the millennia of control of men over women, patriarchy, excision of the feminine to yield masculine monotheism. What we seem to be realizing with this re-awareness of the Divine Feminine is the toll the lack of energetic balance has taken on how we live. In Her lack, our existing Masculine is wounded. None of the established systems work anymore–organized religion, healthcare, government, social benefit. On a personal level, the systems that don’t work are the daily grind, running a household, biological and energetic political/sexual dynamics… Does this mean we can’t have these things? Not necessarily. It means we have to find new ways of implementing and sustaining them, so that instead of meeting only our dire needs, they meet all of our needs.

The place to begin this transformation is to assess what your real needs are. Yes, we all have to earn a living. We all have to eat and pay bills. To have the energy to do those things means we must be fed on deeper levels, and that is where I see you needing to provide yourself support. Giving yourself the nurture and care that you need will reconnect your inner feminine and masculine, and it will allow you to reshape your perspective on the systems in your life. If you feel supported and trusted inside, your outside will conform to those feelings. It will mirror that support and give back to you. You have worked yourself spare trying to create that support externally, and only come up tired and feeling a lack. Consider the things that nourish you spiritually: a regular massage? a weekend retreat? an evening watching the stars? an artistic pursuit? a class you’ve wanted to take? I suspect it is some collection of different treats done at a set interval. These are not empty acts of girlie indulgence. They are cogent approaches to solidify trust in yourself and expressing your untapped voice. This will be a leap of faith for you, as there is an element of needing to trust your ability to determine what is right for yourself, and gaining the courage to manifest it. Yet reading these words stirs some wild woman within who needs expression. Allay your fears of her. She is the voice of the Divine in you. She is the key to feeling whole and creating the movement and language that is right for you.

That said, I do see a better job opportunity for you in the next 6-9 months. The thing is, without a calm, confident core, you won’t recognize it. Start creating that nest for yourself now, and not only will the opportunities you need meet you, you will see them coming. With these new opportunities meeting your needs, you are quite likely to create your own new system.

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Intentional Insights is a Q&A column inviting you to look inside yourself. If you have a question that you would like for me to address in my column regarding a brief Soul Reading or questions about spiritual healing and shamanism, please send them to me at Kelley at soulintentarts dot com, or contact me to schedule a full-length Soul Reading. Intentional Insights is a production of Soul Intent Arts. Follow me on Facebook and Twitter!

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Love and Light, Bless Your Heart

Dec 14th, 2009 by Kelley

“Be Impeccable With Your Word.” Don Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements
“Bless whatever you can with eyes and hands and tongue. If you can’t bless it, get ready to make it new.” Marge Piercy, What are Big Girls Made of?

Bless your heart. It’s a Southern staple, old and rife with colorful implications. Although commonly heard, it’s an expression that I never found authenticity in; thus, I forewent using. Last year I had an experience that solidified my thoughts of it, and of the necessity of differentiating between judging people and their behaviour, and honoring shadow truth. With thoughts of word choice and how we use them at the fore, this feature isn’t intended for young readers.

I never liked the expression. It was too Southern, too religious, too… pitifully cloying, disempowering. In reality, I’ve rarely heard it used with sincerity. Most often it’s insinuated into an off-color remark, such as, “She shouldn’t be wearing those pants, bless her heart,” or “Bless his heart, I can’t believe he spent money on that.” An expression of righteous indignation, the judgemental piety somehow transmutes the fact that its heart is an insult. Ever the wordsmith, that twisted intent never set well with me.

As I began my own lessons in speaking and discerning truth, and learning not to judge, I re-examined the phrase. While not necessarily religious, it should be uplifting. It should be kind and inspiring. It should be a reminder that ‘they’ are no different from ‘us,’ such that the speaker and recipient walk away from the exchange better than they entered. As it stood, the expression was a dead metaphor; no one seemed to remember its original reverence.

My cause to avenge clearly laid out, I began voicing the affirmation. I specifically used it in situations that challenged my truth, such that I genuinely intended a wish of Universal improvement to the situation, the person, the ailment. Then I made a disturbing observation. Whenever I said, “Bless his heart,” the response of those around me was to snipe about the person/situation, or to chastise me for speaking ill. I discovered that the phrase was so badly misused and misunderstood, that even when used with high intent it was poorly perceived. Because the words had long been so carelessly bandied about, no one recognized my heart-centered use. It was perceived as just more glib gab. The reaction of my “community” left me wondering if I perhaps I didn’t understand that the phrase was meant to be double entendre, and that any commentary on ill-behaviour or situation is judgemental regardless of honorable intent. I thought my cause was lost.

A year ago I was working with a longterm client, a gifted Reiki Master who has observably immense compassion. We were engaged in a fairly deep conversation on his experience of recently being hurt by someone. His perspective toward the offending person was intensely stirring and radically calm, which is in keeping with his overall passionate but gentle disposition. In his closing assessment of the altercation, he held up his hand in the Reiki beaming position and said, “I just said, ‘Love and light, motherfucker. Love and Light.’”

My initial reaction was muted laughter. After working together for years, we’d spoken candidly, comfortably. Despite that, his northern need to romanticize my southern gentility most often pre-empted colorful interaction; read, he was more self-conscious than I was. Yet, when he said those words, I understood that was his “bless his heart.” My quest on speaking with intent clarified.

I realized that there is implied assessment in honoring someone after reproach, not for no reason. We must be able to distinguish behaviours that support our truth and those that do not. That distinction can be made without judgement. There is a huge difference between saying, “You hurt me and that was unacceptable,” and saying, “You hurt me and you’re a bad person.” Likewise, we must be able to express anger when our truth is not honored. For most of us that expression comes in the form of potent speech. However expression is manifest, remember that it’s needed. What is stuck creates imbalance inside and outside. Recall as well, that once voiced, words can’t be taken back. Speak truth.

We must be able to bless, without damning, what we don’t like. On some level we are all acting in our best capacity. That recognition doesn’t mean have no boundaries. It doesn’t mean be a doormat, and does not offer license to be mean to someone who has offended. It means cultivate the ability to send love and light to what angers or hurts us most. Don’t overlook its true nature, which may have no one’s best interest in mind at all. Be aware of it, step away from it, bless it, and don’t become it. The challenge is to find the means of interacting with shadow dynamics without falling prey to our own. This isn’t news. “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” “An it harm none, do what ye will.”

In the end it isn’t about judging the behaviour of others, but what we can honor within our own actions when we’ve been offended. It’s about our intentions, regardless of the words coming out of our mouths. I use the phrase copiously now, as a self-check when I’m really annoyed about something, with the hope that my intentions for “blessing” someone might help them in some way, and with the hope that I may be a trendsetter, yet.

Indeed, love and light. Bless your heart.

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Intentional Insights is a Q&A column inviting you to look inside yourself. If you have a question that you would like for me to address in my column regarding a brief Soul Reading or questions about spiritual healing and shamanism, please send them to me at Kelley at soulintentarts dot com, or contact me to schedule a full-length Soul Reading. Intentional Insights is a production of Soul Intent Arts. Follow me on Facebook and Twitter!

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Saturn Loves Libra Loves Shadow

Dec 4th, 2009 by Kelley

I read your story on what Saturn gave you. It really touched me. I am a September Libra, and as you know, I now have Saturn in Libra. Any Insights? Linda

Thanks for writing, Linda. Your concern is duly noted. I have a Libra moon, which is curiously productive and stabilizing, and is now insisting that I value and be authentic in relationships. I never thought I’d turn to the Sun for shade. Along that line, in Libra, Saturn’s focus is relationships and how they are an extension of ourselves. The usual indecisiveness attributed to Libras is more balanced and manageable. In Libra, what weights the other end of the scale is our ’shadow’ self, our Other we rarely if ever talk about. It is this facet of self that has the most emphasis for you during this Saturn-Libra dance.

To do this reading I call in your guides, who show me a triangulated dynamic that is the focus of the next three years. What I see is your earthly consciousness, another woman, and a man. The other woman in the dynamic is furious at the man, who doesn’t feel like he is completely in the formed world. If he isn’t, he is an attachment dominating your energy and you should seek depossession help. If he is in the formed world, he is not physically present or active in your life, as his essence is barely rooted here. He feels to be a man who hurt you badly, if not one that has already died. At any rate, this other woman is your shadow.

To get specific insight into this dynamic, I call in the big gun, himself, the spirit of Saturn. His presence is leaden, but not in a heavy, cumbersome way. Rather, he is solid, reliable, dependable. I ask him what the primary focus is for you during this time, and he emphasizes shadow work. I ask him how shadow is represented in this triad. He says, “The shadow is light.” Lovely metaphor, but he literally means that in this era of Saturn, it is appropriate for your more controlled, subdued conscious approach to life to take a backseat to your real, primal truth, which is screaming, “Run for the hills!” where the connection with this man is concerned. This man feels like a slow bleed, perhaps so slowly that you’re not aware just how toxic his energy is in your life. On a conscious level you have tolerated his mild annoyance, maybe even enabled him to some degree. What I see is that on a conscious level, you have achieved intellectual peace with his misdeeds, but at an unconscious level visceral parts of yourself are still hurting, raw, and very angry. That kind of split is common in wound dynamics. We do what we have to do to find peace day-to-day. Saturn is holding your hand in an effort to help you find a deeper peace, for all time. Shedding this relationship is the primary focus of the next few years. I feel that the real challenge for you isn’t in letting the man go, but in healing the parts of you he’s affected, and letting go of habits, crutches you’ve created to sustain living with the energy drain that he has been.

You are up to the task. In doing this reading I drew a card from The Wise Woman’s Tarot. The card is the Seven of Wands, represented in this mythos by the female warrior Scathach, the Scottish “Shadowy One.” Her message is that yes, you are under attack, and you are up to the task of victory.

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Intentional Insights is a Q&A column inviting you to look inside yourself. If you have a question that you would like for me to address in my column regarding a brief Soul Reading or questions about spiritual healing and shamanism, please send them to me at Kelley at soulintentarts dot com, or contact me to schedule a full-length Soul Reading. Intentional Insights is a production of Soul Intent Arts. Follow me on Facebook and Twitter!

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Observation is Action

Nov 23rd, 2009 by Kelley

Kelley, My husband has PTSD and major clinical depression. I’ve been married to him for 15 years. It takes a lot of my energy just to live with him. Living without him would be hard, too, especially financially. What do I do? L

Thank you for your note, L. All signs point to observe. If he is not actively in therapy, it is appropriate for him to be. When I see his life force it is an enormous flame, which indicates to me that he is too active in his higher chakras (in his mind). He is in dire need of mental, emotional, and psychological soothing, and that is not something you can provide. You have tried, to the point of your own detriment. There is a myth in our culture that as life partners, we are and should be obligated to provide every ounce of support to our significant other. The reality is, that kind of fishbowl support burns out more relationships than it sustains. If that has been the case, it has to change. When a loved one is dealing with deep trauma, as he is, the insight and skill of a trained professional are required. No significant other can carry that load; no significant other should have to. For the balance to shift between you, both must see the value in finding an objective third person in whom he can confide, or you have to elect to make the changes in your life that you need for yourself. Sure, in relationships we weather the worst of each other. But we must also relish the best of each other, and that has not sustained your joining for some time. You cannot control him or direct him in self care. All you can do is make the suggestions. If he is already in therapy and not making progress, perhaps it’s time for a switch, or for you to start making plans independently of him. There are many styles of therapy, many approaches. It is time for him to do something, or to do something different; again, forcing him will do no good.

It’s also imperative for you to decide your reasons for staying in this relationship. If compassionate coexistence can no longer be honored by you, you are doing neither of you favors by staying together. If you are genuinely vested in staying, changes will be required on your part, as well. While his conditions have created friction in the relationship, the dynamic that has developed has been a joint endeavor. Be very honest with yourself about what you want from this relationship, and clearly discern if you are already finished. Sometimes it’s amazing what progress can be made from merely gathering more info.

Be well, L!

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Intentional Insights is a Q&A column inviting you to look inside yourself. If you have a question that you would like for me to address in my column regarding a brief Soul Reading or questions about spiritual healing and shamanism, please send them to me at Kelley at soulintentarts dot com, or contact me to schedule a full-length Soul Reading. Intentional Insights is a production of Soul Intent Arts. Follow me on Facebook and Twitter!

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The Two of Us

Nov 10th, 2009 by Kelley

Dear heart. Can you tell me something about the beautiful woman who has lived inside me since birth? Life has been hard. I am a man with woman’s ways. I am effeminate. I crossdress on impulse. It just comes over me and when I am in this mode I feel this is where and what I should be– a woman. Amongst many feminine dreams I’ve had, in one I was taken into an alien spacecraft and was injected in the back of my neck with a dart. It was said to me, “You are now a Shulamite Woman.” I am now 79 years old. My wife died 9 years ago, yet I feel she guides me, ever present. We were together for over 50 years. I think I have two souls, though true explanations for this have never come. Thank you, Tommy.

Thank you for your note and your trust, Tommy. When I track back through your life force to the place you were before this manifestation, I find you as a complete being embodying All life force–feminine, masculine, human, plant, animal, element, ether… For many people this state of being connected to All is the ideal, or “Heaven.” It’s a very calm place, without conflict and with a balanced sense of Self. Most every creature has had an experience that made it feel part of this stellar whole. Some have even had experiences in their current lives that triggered memories of being completely whole. Honestly, when I do life tracking for others into their between-form manifestations I find few peacefully enjoying that ‘whole’ experience. What is most common is being in a state of assessing direction or healing imbalances. That you are in this space is telling. What is most compelling is that you managed to bring it through with you–you never forgot it.

I feel that in most of your manifestations as form you were able to come through as this whole being, in the company of other such beings. You were able to embody both genders and there was community support in doing so. For that reason I do not feel that you have been on Earth in a long time, but have been manifest in planes that supported intergendered forms. I do think that you were able to be intergendered on Earth early in its formation and the lovely memory of that has been challenging. Times have changed. The two foremost guiding forces in this formed realm are those of masculine and feminine. They don’t exist as separately identified life force in the All. However, this plane has gone to extremes in how we honor, relate to, and divide those guiding forces. In your fully formed manifestations you did not have to cull one part of yourself out from the whole. Coming into this life, into this realm, with its rules about density and polarity, you found aspects of yourself celebrated and others completely disregarded. The struggle to honor all of yourself has been very painful. The sadness of feeling unfulfilled energetically is as real as your cells wanting to host something fully that they know they can’t: dual form.

Many readily identify that the feminine principle has been horribly maltreated in the Earth plane. She isn’t recognized in most world religions (overtly, anyway); thus, she isn’t openly reflected into how most of the world lives. What is often forgotten is that one principle can’t be harmed without harming the whole. Where the feminine has been relegated to the shadow, the masculine has been without its balanced other. It has carried burdens beyond its ability while it has observed its dearest other half be abused. You are aware of and feel this disjoint more than most, and for that reason you have always treated those around you with compassion and fairness. Bless you.

Regarding your dream, I do not have any feeling about abduction or having been changed. My feeling is that your life force originated in another planetary system. Some people truly do originate in Earth energy, some don’t. Those who don’t are challenged with the elemental structure of being here as much as with making peace with the reason for coming. My essay Coming Out Starseed may be informative, along that line. Realizing that your life force sources some place other than Earth is important in learning to connect with that source. That is the home you feel, and likely the place your feminine other is rooted. I feel you have been experiencing a simultaneous manifestation of yourself, here as a biological male, with your feminine having been forced to “stay behind” in that other planetary space Having been forced to choose one gender in order to manifest here, she comes through when she can. She’s a different energy but she is not a different you. She’s just more you.

I do feel that your wife is serving as an energetic anchor for you. She is of the same other planetary life force that you are, but in working out her karmic needs is on a different path. My feeling is that she will continue to walk with you are a protector and ally.

The good news is that time are changing again. The rules we agree to coming into this plane are becoming less rigid, more supportive of diverse life and how we live it. In that sense I do believe that you are a Shulamite woman. You are a two-spirit persevering beyond what is readily known, embodying unattainable wisdom. Be well, Tommy!

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Intentional Insights is a Q&A column inviting you to look inside yourself. If you have a question that you would like for me to address in my column regarding a brief Soul Reading or questions about spiritual healing and shamanism, please send them to me at Kelley at soulintentarts dot com, or contact me to schedule a full-length Soul Reading. Intentional Insights is a production of Soul Intent Arts. Follow me on Facebook and Twitter!

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Saturn’s Gift

Oct 31st, 2009 by Kelley

Every year for Samhain I publish accounts of my more charged, and in some cases creepy, spiritual pursuits. The Dead Time is a treasured journey to Solstice, and as it is a time of untime, the shadowed season presents a great opportunity to tell the stories that many who do shamanic work won’t tell–the occasions when things don’t go well or the unseen presents itself unexpectedly. You may recognize some of these accounts from my previous stories, while others are more recent. Enjoy the solitude of the darkness, and know the light will soon warm!

Saturn. The name of the Roman god elicits shudders from historians and astrology enthusiasts, alike. The wielder of justice, the task master, the great leveler of the playing field. Saturn, the planet, is no less all business. With the intention of forcing you to face what you have not, this stellar body moves into a new sign about every three years. Practically speaking, this means that it occupies the exact location in the natal chart once roughly every 28-30 years. Saturn Returns, as such are known, are surrounded by much hype largely because they bring three years of intense personal clearing and transition. Considered a cosmic vice that will bear down on what you have not prior been able to release or move, rumor was that after all the intense purging managed by Saturn, the impartial judge would leave his tenderized charge a gift. Little did I know how hard I would work for that gift, or what that gift would be.

For me the fun began in March of 2001, with a car accident that left me in extreme pain for about three years and health conditions to manage ever after. The first year after I had intense kundalini explosions commonly referred to as a spiritual emergency (when the soul evolves more intensely than the psyche can manage). That was the conclusion of my first Saturn Return. Next came Saturn taking up station in my sun sign, which is not a common synchronous event. Where most people have the approximate three years’ liaison with Saturn, I had six. It was a profitable time during which I wrote and published Gift of the Dreamtime, inadvertently bringing me a great deal of healing. Willing to accept that as my gift at the close of my Return, I elected to follow Saturn’s lead for the next three years.

In July of 2005 I was staying alone in a hotel when I became aware of a presence in the room. I had already cleared the room, as hotels usually require such, and I was surprised to find a spirit there. When I closed my eyes I saw a spiritual manifestation of my grandfather. He told me that he was leaving and that he wouldn’t be back in this realm in form again. It was a peaceful interaction, though I carried no particular sadness at his announced departure. In my childhood he had sexually assaulted me on numerous occasions, the healing of which was thoroughly brought through in my Saturn Return. The next day, the day that Saturn left my birth sign in 2005, my grandfather died.

Despite the fact that I wasn’t close to him in any loving sense the news hit me fiercely, literally leaving me dizzy and needing to sit. My life force changed on the spot, some primordial thread passed from him, to my father, to me. In my lack of grief I felt oddly raw for a long while after, in a way that I couldn’t articulate. I felt as though I was exposed energetically and couldn’t regain grounding or protection. Aware of this lack, I focused on connecting with my spiritual allies and left the situation in their hands.

During this time one of my cats, Phoenix, began to act strange. He had made clear to me early in our fifteen-year relationship that he was my familiar. I had asked him what that meant, exactly, and he said, “I’m your companion.”

“What does a companion do?” I asked.

“Keep you company,” he replied. I didn’t ask him anymore questions. In that timeframe after my grandfather’s death I frequently found Phoenix talking with a presence in the guest bathroom. He always sat facing a particular spot, staring at it and caterwauling deep conversation. If I interrupted he would glare at me until I backed from the room, then he would continue talking. I didn’t know what was happening but it was clear to me that Phoenix wasn’t alone. As Phoenix was unfazed, excellent energy judges that cats are, I left him to it. My sense of the dynamic was that Phoenix was orchestrating something and I was not part of it.

By February of that year we began finding blood in the house–huge crimson sprays on the walls and carpet about 6-8 inches in diameter. At the time we had two cats and a dog, all of whom presented perfect health. Two months later, Phoenix began to show signs of vestibular imbalance, and I was at last with him during a projectile nosebleed. Mystery solved, this condition followed a pattern of him being immobile for days, then he would bounce back to light, life and playful kittiness. Evident to us was that his body was under extreme duress, though his veterinarian found no cause for or proof of his symptoms. I felt keen dismay at his odd decline. Having facilitated the deaths of several animal friends, upon talking with Phoenix I expected him to advise me of his life plans and what role I might play in them. To my surprise, he told me to do nothing. He told me that he was finishing work on another plane and that he would tell me when it had been completed. Clear to me was the fact that if I did facilitate his death to alleviate my grief it would be against his wishes.

The pattern of gruesome explosions continued, along with Phoenix’ chipper little personality telling me to hold the space for him to complete his work. He began to talk to his friend even more. The presence in the house became overbearing and by this point in my grief, my ability to fend off unwanted spiritual influences was almost nonexistent. Phoenix had stopped sleeping at night and was talking nonstop. He still ate well, groomed, and kept to his usual routine of napping in the yard and his favorite sunny spots about the house. Frequently I asked him, to his annoyance, if he was ready to die. He told me repeatedly that he was not and that I was, with no ambiguity, not to euthanize him unless or until he specifically told me to. He told me that he had work to complete here that would be more beneficial to do while he was still in form, and that if I euthanized him before that point it would complicate his process radically. Sadly, I left that governance to him and listened closely.

All the while that we had been supporting Phoenix other strange things began to happen in the house. Our dog began to exhibit vestibular imbalance, and lights began to flicker randomly throughout. I noticed changes in my own health. Within the space of about two weeks my hearing degraded significantly and I suddenly manifest problems reading. It was as if I had rapidly become dyslexic, only it wasn’t just that letters and words inverted on a page. I began seeing symbols that I didn’t recognize suffused with blank spaces mid-sentence. I felt that something major was going on etherically, a very profound shift of wiring, so to speak. I consulted the neurologist I had seen after the car-crash. Brain scans came back clean and the neurologist insisted that I had always been dyslexic and didn’t realize it.

One morning that August, Phoenix began crying in the wee hours. I gathered him around 3am and we lay on the couch. About an hour later I was awakened by a bright flash that settled into a horizontal sheet of white light cloaking the room. I sat up and observed that I could see above and below the hovering blanket of light. Phoenix began crying in my arms while the dog and other cat became agitated and left the room. Again there was a blinding flash and one of the computer monitors turned on. Instantly after that the four computers in the room simultaneously turned off. The room was deadly silent in the absence of the technohum, and I felt a masculine presence in the room. It hit me then that Phoenix had been buffering this energy and that his ability to continue buffering it was declining. Initially, I was very startled. Then, as is common for me when entities create physical intrusions, I became angry. I approached the monitor and saw that despite the fact that the desktop was displayed, none of the computers were on. I switched the monitor off and was livid.

Realizing that I was too emotionally involved with the situation to affect it I called on a colleague to help. Right off the bat she isolated that my grandfather was clinging to me and was manipulating my lower chakras. She didn’t know anything about my past with him, and I was genuinely surprised to hear her assessment. She went on to say that he was intentionally interfering with my sleep cycle to disrupt my usual healing work in my dreamstate, and that he was specifically dumping his karma on me to avoid having to do the work himself. My many spiritual interactions with him had always been very peaceful, very compassionate. I was genuinely taken aback to learn that not only had he not transitioned thoroughly, particularly after his visit to me the night before he died, but that he was lingering to cause me more harm. When I told my friend this she informed me that the aspect of him clinging to me now was not the higher, balanced being I’d seen so many times and the night before his death; rather, it was the earthly consciousness that was deeply troubled and still perpetuating abusive patterns.

Properly armed, I came home and thanked Phoenix for his work and cleared the house. I closed those of my grandather’s chakras that had remained partially functional after his demise. Three days of persistent entity release rituals transpired before I felt this suffering aspect of his consciousness completely transition. When it did I told Phoenix that he could relax and that he no longer had to do the work alone. His relief was evident, but he told me that his work was still not complete.

On 21 November I was admitted to the hospital with appendicitis. While I was waiting for surgery Phoenix came to me and told me that he was ready to move on. I lamented that I couldn’t help him and he assured me that there was no rush. He just wanted me to know he was finished. On 10 December 2006 we went to the vet with Phoenix, though we came home without him. His deathwalk was very difficult for me, yet it became clear in that procession that Phoenix had released me from very old, harmful misogynistic life threads. I also felt that he was paving an opening for radical etheric change in my life and in his own destiny. At that point I realized in our time together just how much Phoenix had contributed to grounding my life force. Physical evidence of that etheric transition came in March of 2007, when after having further health concerns I went to a new neurologist. In the brain scans that she did scarring was present, indicators of a series of minor strokes that left several physical markers, countless unseen ones.

What, then, did Saturn gift me? A deep and lasting release from limiting patterns. A budding insight into the vast and incomprehensible nature of consciousness. An opportunity to work through lingering anger toward my grandfather. An understanding that part of grief is the changing etheric field. An appreciation for the physical manifestation of widening awareness. More than any of those Saturn left me thankful for unconditional love and soulful support most evident in a truth of Wise Women lore that says when her familiar leaves Woman steps into her true power.

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Intentional Insights is a Q&A column inviting you to look inside yourself. If you have a question that you would like for me to address in my column regarding a brief Soul Reading or questions about spiritual healing and shamanism, please send them to me at Kelley at soulintentarts dot com, or contact me to schedule a full-length Soul Reading. Intentional Insights is a production of Soul Intent Arts. Follow me on Facebook and Twitter!

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Higher Consciousness Shopping

Oct 30th, 2009 by Kelley

Every year for Samhain I publish accounts of my more charged, and in some cases creepy, spiritual pursuits. The Dead Time is a treasured journey to Solstice, and as it is a time of untime, the shadowed season presents a great opportunity to tell the stories that many who do shamanic work won’t tell–the occasions when things don’t go well or the unseen presents itself unexpectedly. You may recognize some of these accounts from my previous stories, while others are more recent. Enjoy the solitude of the darkness, and know the light will soon warm!

Apparently the American trend of vast strip malls is a bad idea, energetically speaking, as it seems I have quite a few stories of odd experiences in them. I’m fairly sure I’m not the only one. This event in particular happened in the Winter of 2006.

On my way home from work one day I went to the newest, shiniest Wal-mart in Raleigh. The whole MegaloCenter area on which it is situated is very discordant for me and I don’t go there often at all. As it was, a specific item that I needed was only at that location, so off I went. From the second I passed through the enormous automated doors something was wrong. I literally felt a twinge in my head, like a synapse torqued funny and the tingly effect of it rippled through my whole body and into my etheric field. I truly should have turned around and left immediately but my consumerist hunter-gatherer instincts were having none of it. Once inside the fluorescent patina reflected off my skin and I hesitated to get my navigational bearings. When I did, I noticed something very odd: it sounded like a radio was on, inside my head.

I am quite clairaudient so I didn’t pay a lot of attention to the buzz at first. As I made my way through the store, I began to realize that when I passed directly by certain people, the buzz would clarify into distinct words and phrases. I noticed that the voices changed as I passed by different people. I passed a young couple and had two voices go through my head at once, lovebirds individually cooing over each other. Then I passed a woman and heard a proliferation of expletives about having to find a specific item for someone else. It wasn’t until I passed a little girl of about six or seven years old holding the hand of an old man that I realized what was going on. When I passed her I heard a little voice begging for someone to please get her away from this mean man, I realized I was hearing peoples’ thoughts. I was spontaneously, though unintentionally, cosmically eavesdropping. I recognized the phenomenon for what it because it happens almost every night when I lie down to sleep. In hypnagogic states most people see abstract visuals—blurbs light or random scenes, until they shift into sleep. For those who are aware, this state is the precursor to lucid dreaming. I do sometimes see odd visuals in pre-sleep but most of the time I flip through the bandwidth of the Universe, hearing anonymous conversations, voices, music. It quite literally sounds like a radio dial skimming stations, never quite settling on one for any length of time, though the phrases that manage to come through are distinct. Sometimes I hear several conversations and languages before I fall to sleep. This bedtime ritual I gave in to early in my childhood, and I never really think about it too much.
However, standing in the middle of Wal-mart I couldn’t think of anything. My head was full of everyone else. I had never felt anything like it before, and frankly I never had reason to consider it possible. As soon as I processed that the little girl was experiencing deep distress about the man with whom she walked, I began to project back to her, telling her that she was powerful and she could overcome anything that she needed to. I told her that I was with her and loads of angels and lightbeings walked with her, and that we would all do our best to take care of her. I felt sick at that point. I didn’t want to hear anything else. I forewent the object of my trip and started to make my way out of the store.

As soon as I stepped out of the door there was an audible crackling in my head and I had an instant migraine. It hurt so badly that I was in disbelief that I wasn’t bleeding somewhere. I hadn’t had a migraine in a few years, and never had one so suddenly. My head hurt all the way home, and I still heard voices that whole time. I lay down, everything spinning inside me and out. I tracked the pain to a specific spot in my head and in it I felt a rapid exchange of information—the cosmic equivalent of some Universal mainframe. It wasn’t harmful, per se, but it seemed that the physical pain itself was coming from the furious exchange of data. I asked my guides to come in and facilitate as gently as possible whatever was going on in my brain, and in about 45 minutes the headache was gone, and I was the only one in my head.

I maintain that the ground beneath that shopping center houses some kind of hyper-charged grid that is not getting along with the supersuburbia atop it. I don’t know what alignment of elements triggered the event in the store—timing, aliens, dental work, planets… I don’t know.

Personally, I like to think I was upgraded.

~*~*~*~
Intentional Insights is a Q&A column inviting you to look inside yourself. If you have a question that you would like for me to address in my column regarding a brief Soul Reading or questions about spiritual healing and shamanism, please send them to me at Kelley at soulintentarts dot com, or contact me to schedule a full-length Soul Reading. Intentional Insights is a production of Soul Intent Arts. Follow me on Facebook and Twitter!

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